I can’t be back here. I chose this. The brain has wonderful distracting habits to control your emotions but the heart is really She - “She can take the dark out of the nighttime and paint the daytime black”. Absolutely devastating with power.
It doesn’t feel good to open up on my Tumblr like it did my LiveJournal (I know) and write bullshit and read it back to myself. My voice is insufferable. Fragmented and juvenile. I write obvious things to basically think out loud and question simple ideas that are both vague and specific to my circumstances.
I feel my strength more in my actions, and can breathe easy in a space where I feel in control of what I’ve made.
I have a deep wanting for newness- teaching myself a new skill everyday. Reading a book. Taking a class. Volunteering. Trying a new food. Going to new places. It feels like I need to live another life real fast so I can get back to the one that I had.
But that’s the illusion. Time would never allow that. This is mine right now, and I can no longer grasp the reverence for what I’ve made versus what is there for me to learn, because time is unforgiving, and can’t let you be, because you are an intruder of its cycle.
Be still. But you wont be still. Believe it will be alright.
I’m so bad with conclusions..